How to gauge the
phenomenon
I am overcoming this stuff gradually.
First, it helped that I got properly diagnosed. My
psychologist listened to me explain the symptoms (not as symptoms, but as just
a stream of feelings and thoughts about them), then began to rule things out.
My family has a notable incidence of schizophrenia and dementia, so let’s just
say that anytime I started feeling the connection slip I was 100 times worse
off because I feared I was on a one-way trip down a long and unhappy slope.
Second, I am a Virgo. That means I need to understand the
crap out of things. So I spent awhile researching these issues. Of course, since the primary issue I was fighting was anxiety-induced depression,
these little disorders got put on the backburner for awhile. Not to mention
that I had trouble keeping the differences between all the Ds straight for a
long time.
Third, I am becoming more and more Mindful. That’s been such
a blessing, but I will not proclaim it as a perfect path for
everyone. All people have their own path to walk, and when problems arise they
need to find the solutions for them. Mine may not work for you, and that’s
cool. Try things, get help if you actually could use it, and I wish you peace.
As I’ve been more aware and informed, I’ve realized that I
hardly notice the episodes anymore. I am aware they happen, but without the
cascading distress they aren’t the paralyzing, maddening events they used to
be.
Sometimes my music just doesn’t sound right (yes, my
headphones are on correctly – I checked!), so I stop listening to music for a
little while. Maybe I have trouble focusing on reading because I am suddenly
aware that they are merely patterns of black ink on white paper instead of words with meaning.
That’s cool; I’ll go play a video game.
And sometimes I get overwhelmed by sadness at being the last
of my alien kind on this God-forsaken ball of rock. Then I text my beloved and
let her know I’m feeling totally disconnected from the world (in this case,
that means the universe of humanity) and am significantly bumming, at which
point she texts back a kiss or a hug or an I Love You, and soon it matters
less. No matter how disconnected I feel from my fellow humans, I know they are
ready to help me remember: we’re still united.
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