Emotional Detachment - Angry Asian Apparitions!

This will tie together some issues relating to emotional detachment in relationships, but first we’re going to look at some Asian horror movies, because they have a Buddhist backbone where emotional bondage ties a person to “a bad place.” The bad place varies, but a lot of people who have had “bad relationships” know exactly where that bad place is: they lived there once.

I love Asian horror movies. A lot of Americans do. Unfortunately, a lot of American film makers do too.

Why “unfortunately?” Because they are so affected by these films that they want to remake the films with an American sensibility. Then they re-film the basic flick with the same kind of imagery but it’s skewed towards how American culture views the universe. In the process, much of the horror is lost.

The notion of ghosts is that sometimes spirits are prevented from moving on into the afterlife they are meant for, and instead remain tied to this realm for some reason. Usually the tales revolve around some malevolent motive, such as “the ghost is trying to get revenge” for some slight.

But just as cultures have different values and social mores, their ghosts are different as well.

Short detour – American Horror vs. Asian Horror.

What Scares America? A Lot, It Turns Out.

As time moves on and cultures change, the things which scare them changes too.

Americans have been afraid of a lot of things, but from early cinema down to the most recent suspense and horror movies, there are some things that help form the American fear experience:

Alienation – Remember how the Doors sang about people being strange when you are a stranger? Look at films that scare you the most and see if the foundations involve small towns or immersion in different cultures (such as getting into trouble abroad where you are not familiar with the language, customs, laws, etc.).

Isolation – Like alienation, minus the chance that some kind-hearted soul will show up to help you out. Do the films that scare you the most involve your fears of being trapped somewhere, being separated from family and friends, having no one believe you when you try to warn them, or being unable to trust those around you?

Powerlessness – One thing that really scares Americans is being in a jam and unable to do anything about it. A good American horror movie makes sure that during moments of high tension:

·         The lights go out.

·         Someone who is running gets hurt and can’t run anymore.

·         The phones don’t work (storms take out telephone lines, cell phone batteries die or there is suddenly no signal).

·         Cars won’t start (or Annie gets in the car and realizes Jeff had the keys).

·         Doors won’t open.

·         Annie gets in the car but she can’t leave because Jeff is still in the house somewhere.

The notion of powerlessness especially frustrates me, because I don’t know very many girls who would just totally wilt in the face of a guy with a knife who is slowly advancing on them. Based on most of the girls I know, a psychopath would find things flying at his head that no one even knew were in the room. And I don’t think any psycho really wants a piece of a girl who comes at him all tooth-and-claw. So to get the appropriate feeling of terror, the girl has to wilt. A guy who is in the same position will probably swing a pipe or something, so the writers have to make sure he misses, loses his weapon, or the weapon doesn’t really hurt the menace.

Either way, you have to make sure the protagonist on the screen at the moment of confrontation is powerless to prevent bad things from happening to him or her. Even a guy with a machine gun will empty his cartridge into the menace, only to find out that bullets aren’t effective. See, once the menace stops being a menace, you have two problems:

1.       No more horror.

2.       No chance for sequels.

Now if weakness in its various forms seems to be what drives the American fear-film market, what got the whole Japanese horror market (and soon everyone else’s) horror market screaming for relief?

It seems to be change.

As their traditional cultural values continue to be challenged by one generation after another, it begins to affect how stable they perceive the world to be. That fuels fear, and that drives filmmakers to tap into that mindset.

Enter: Ju-on and Ringu.

There are other films that are landmarks in contemporary Asian horror films, in my opinion, and they seem to share the same fears. But to focus on how it all applies to Mindfulness and emotional detachment, I’m going to look at these two briefly.

Girls With Long Black Hair Are Everywhere!

Ju-on’s self-definition on the film tells us that a curse is born when someone dies “in the grip of a powerful rage.” That curse then sets up shop where the death occurred, and anyone encountering it will suffer from it as well. Similarly, a curse is born from such anger in Ringu, although it gets to be a bit more mobile.

Curses born from extreme emotional states which were unresolved at death: a true Buddhist issue.

Abandonment of traditional roles and obligations is a huge theme in Asian horror. Parents abandoning children, husbands and wives abandoning marriages, adult children abandoning the care of their elderly parents, and even social care systems abandoning their duties to society are all things which keep cropping up.

So just as Godzilla is a cautionary tale of the dangers of man’s nuclear folly (among other things), Ju-on and Ringu are cautionary tales of the dangers of segments of society who do not uphold their end of the social contract (among many other things).

But instead of a big lizard blowing radioactive fire all over Tokyo as a symbol of cinematic payback, you get women with long black hair defying the physical universe’s laws for their own payback.

Make no mistake – there is a fair amount of revenge going on in Asian horror films.

But the revenge is often not against the people who caused the problem in the first place, but against innocent folks who are not connected to the event except by accident later on. That’s another standout issue in these films – you and your generation are blatantly flouting social conventions and maybe nothing will happen to you, but just as you are causing your forefathers pain, your actions will impact the generation after you.

Ringu and Dark Water fans, take note.

Okay, What Does This Have To Do With Emotional Detachment? Focus, David!

Focus, right!

PS: Spoiler alert.

In these films, the spirits’ revenge is driven by events after the parties are wronged. So the Vengeful Ghost motif is used very well.

But it’s not the wrong that led to the formation of the ghost directly. Sadako in Ringu did not become a ghost because her dad swatted her over the head with a shovel. Kayako didn’t become The Crawler in Ju-on simply because her husband Takeo tried to give her a makeover with an Xacto knife.

They died with unresolved emotions. That led to the various curses and ghostly manifestations.

Note – Kayako and Sadako were still alive after their abusive treatment at the hands of men who traditionally were obligated to care for them. The little girl in Dark Water, the sick patient in Infection, and on and on: people who lived long enough to have those negative emotions set into concrete. That tied them to this realm, preventing them from moving on. Then they died, still tied. Viola: curse!

So the ghosts are not tied to this realm by murder, negligence, incompetence, or any other abandonment of traditional caretakers. It was those unresolved emotional states which forced their spirits to linger in an effort to attain resolution.

Sadly, it just wasn’t to be.

Emotions can have the same effect on us today, tying us to a moment in time or a person in our past that prevents us from moving on. The curse isn’t going to be perpetuated by your vengeful spirit (I hope) but by your own mind. You and those around you will be affected (infected) by the curse of the emotional cage. You will be trapped, and others are liable to be pulled in like objects encountering a black hole.

Although I’ve never known anyone who has come back to wreck havoc due to dying while in the grip of a powerful rage, I do know a whole lot of folks who live with a powerful rage. Sadness, anger, frustration, and a host of other emotions end up causing the person to haunt himself or herself. Like a vengeful spirit, these emotions begin to take on form and substance, affecting people physically as well as mentally and certainly emotionally. And then he or she gets into a new relationship, where those emotions come out to wreck that havoc on the new partner (just like Rika entering the house in Ju-on – she had nothing to do with the original events, but she was the new blood. So to speak…)

If we are to move into a peaceful existence, whether we call it Nirvana or Paradise or just a happy and contented life, we need to figure out how to free ourselves from bondage to our emotions. It may take professional help – in my case it definitely did. But as soon as we determine what we are going to let go of, what we are going to refuse to let control how we feel, we have more energy and resources to deal with life.

If someone hurt us, for example, that’s something that will affect us for a long time; maybe forever. We may not be able to control the fact that it hurts, but we can control how much the hurt affects us. A failed marriage, or an abusive relationship, or any other relationship configuration that caused us damage, will leave scars. These things do not have to prevent us from being happy with someone else (so long as we make good choices), or even happy alone.

Everyone has different capacities for things in their lives. Controlling their emotions is one capacity that will differ from one person to another. But no matter what our personal capacity, we can all improve.

Next post:  some concrete suggestions and experiences in detaching oneself from emotions and gaining the mastery over them (well, most of the time).