It has also been helpful for a few other folks, some of whom see themselves or folks they know in some of the things I write. Go figure: my personal experiences and insights aren't necesarily just mine. I'm not alone.
It's really nice to receive feedback for things I write. Even if folks disagree with my position or views, it's cool. We are each free to see and experience things in our own ways.
So I'm taking this opportunity to invite folks to get in touch with me about the blog. All I ask is that if you don't like what I write and want to tell me, at least be courteous.
Ask questions. Make comments. Share experiences.
There are two main ways I can think of off hand to comment:
At the bottom of each post is a Comment box. Feel free to write your comments there.
If that's too public, then feel free to e-mail me at dreamwalkerblogger@gmail.com
In either case, I will try to respond, because I think if you write something for public consumption, you're not done yet. Writing something and walking away is only one-sided communication, and I like a good dialog.
And of course, if we're friends on Facebook, there are public and private messaging options.
But I want to make this little intermission have some value beyond just letting you know how to reply to my blog. So....
Mindfulness And Anxiety
I used to have a regular prescription for Xanax. It helped, but I really didn't want to use it. I needed to use it.
Or did I?
My anxiety triggers have been too sensitive most times. I would sometimes trigger them myself just anticipating something else setting them off. That's mighty proactive, but awful.
If I felt it coming on, kind of like feeling thunder rather than hearing it, I began to head for the storm shelter in the form of a little white pill. As I began to really grasp Mindfulness in my experience, I found myself running to the shelter less often. I haven't had the prescription renewed in awhile now, because I don't need it.
Now I'm totally not suggesting anyone else follow that path. Only you know what you need to do to cope and make it through. Even if you don't know, only you can truly decide on a course of action.
But I found that thunder is loud and scary but can't really hurt you. Lightning's a different story, but thunder's pretty harmless.
Likewise, many of the things that scared me, or triggered anxiety in me, was thunder. Loud, scary, but ultimately just a lot of noise.
Now I didn't discover that truth from the safety of the Xanax Cellar. If I got through stuff without a scratch I chalked it up to the wonderous protection of the tiny pill. If I got scratched, I figured it would have been worse if I had been out in the open, figuratively speaking.
Really, how things ended up is how things would have ended up, pill or no. My decisions and my actions made the difference. The pill just helped take the edge off while I did what I had to do.
Now I meditate instead of medicate.
Not like sitting on the floor and crossing my legs. If I tried that, my anxiety might spike once I realized I wasn't able to get up.
Meditation is a key aspect of Mindfulness. But the form of that meditation isn't fixed.
I just start focusing on my breathing. Then when I have achieved some semblance of calm, I start looking at what caused me to get antsy to begin with.
Intrusive thoughts are often the culprit. What If scenarios playing out in my head can make my anxiety surge. So what I try to do is get involved early on.
If I feel my anxiety growing, I become aware of my physical symptoms first. Breathing becomes faster and more shallow, my heart is speeding up, I feel hot and cold flashes and my stomach knots up.
It doesn't take long to figure out what caused the surge. I don't generally have to think, "now what was I just thinking about that did that?" In the middle of scene 4 of the disaster scenario playing out on my mind's stage, I stop the play. In fact, I just say "Stop."
Now whether it's out loud or to myself, this is my little verbal cue to focus, to become more aware of what's happening within myself at that moment. By saying that, and hearing myself say it, it halts the building anxiety in its tracks by instantly taking my mind off of its unhelpful course and sets me at square one of the analysis course.
In BSDM relationships, there is a word agreed upon by both parties to be used if one or the other becomes too uncomfortable or fearful. That is their "Safe Word," something that isn't going to be said in the normal course of their activites. That word comes out, everything stops and the process is over.
In professional wrestling, a guy might take a chair shot to his leg or something near it, and he will scream out, "Augh! My leg!" That's part of the show. However, if you ever notice someone take a bump (a fall or a hit) and the referee or the other wrestler nestles up next to the "injured" wrestler, generally what's happening is that they are trying to find out if the wrestler might really be hurt. If he isn't, the match goes on. But if the wrestler tells his opponent or the referee "I'm hurt" or some variation, the other parties in the ring know to finish the match quickly to a predetermined conclusion so the medical folks can get in there and take care of business.
Why these two examples? Because they both involve reality rushing in to derail fantasy before someone really gets in danger.
In BDSM, someone really is getting some discomfort put on them, but it's within the framework of a mutually-agreed scenario. Both parties agree to one person putting some kind of discomfort on the other. It's part of the fantasy.
In wrestling, the same thing happens. The match may be choreographed down to the individual moves (or in the Independent circuit, maybe nothing is known besides the ending), but getting whacked on the bare back with a metal chair hurts. Folks agreed that one person gets to use the chair, one person gets to make faces when it hits. It's part of the fantasy.
In my case, my fantasy is the scenario in my mind. As it gains momentum, I come into some discomfort. Now for me, if I let it go on and experience discomfort, I'm making an agreement with myself to let it. Folks who experience these things feel compelled to watch the disaster unfold with their mind's eye unblinking. You become so immersed in the spectacle that it doesn't even dawn on your conscious mind that you can stop it.
So learning how to derail the process is your first step in Mindfully dealing with this mess. You say or do something that takes your mind off the fantasy in your head and drags your focus right back to the present moment.
After I get my own attention, it's time to examine. Do I like the way I feel at the moment? No? Good. That means I'm more likely to do something about it. I need to conentrate on my breathing.
If I breathe in as deeply as I can, I will start slowing my breathing as well. Between the two I increase the amount of oxygen flowing into my bloodstream and circulating around my noggin. As I get the breathing so slow, my heartrate begins to slow as well. Quickly I am in control, whereas a minute or two ago I was rapidly losing control.
Already I have performed two aspects of meditation:
·
I have brought my mind into focus using a mantra
(a word or phrase which is repeated, kind of a dinner bell calling the complete
mind to gather in this one place). I may or may not have to repeat the word “Stop”
depending on how deep I got into the quicksand of the fantasy.
·
I I have controlled my breathing by making it
deeper and slower. Anxiety makes it fast and shallow, so by doing the opposite
I achieve the opposite.
It takes time, but the more often I practice this intervention, the faster my mind and body respond. It’s really just retaining my mind and body in how to reflexively react when anxiety strikes.
There. I’m feeling calmer already. Now I can ask myself some questions.
“Dude, what was all that just now?”
“What makes you think that would happen?”
“Yeah, I know it could possibly happen by some stretch of the imagination. You could get a phone call telling you that you’re a millionaire, by some stretch of the imagination. Is that going to happen?”
“So really, what are the odds that scenario is going to happen?”
“If it did happen, what really could or would you be able to do about it?”
“So it isn’t going to happen, and if it did, you would deal with it or collapse then, right?”
“So let’s stop wasting all those stress chemicals on this fantasy that only makes you unhappy. Look around at the present. Things are okay. You are okay. And things will be okay.”
This is a kind of simplified version, but not by much. Sometimes I don’t even need to go this far. Nowadays, once the bad scenario begins to raise my anxiety, I say “Stop,” I breathe, I recognize right off that I’m being ridiculous, and I get back to whatever I should be doing. Anyone who practices Mindfulness when dealing with unpleasant thoughts probably has some similar pattern they follow as they learn their path.
I have to mention that I need to do this with kindness to myself, though. Just like you need to discipline your children but not to the point of abuse, you need to discipline yourself but not to the point of abuse.
Yeah, I just went too far. People do. Some people go too far in other things than I do, but we all have to regain balance sometimes. And some folks go too far down that self-destructive road and don’t get a return ticket. I need to forgive myself and be thankful that I stopped another runaway train of thought. I have chosen to be happy instead of unhappy.
And with that, let’s look at what all of this is called: Detachment.
No comments:
Post a Comment